My thoughts, observations & learnings

As I fly home I thought I'd try to capture some of my personal experiences while they're still vivid and fresh.

Since this was my fourth trip to PC it wasn't a strange new place for me.  The sights, sounds, smells were very familiar and "normal" to me.  This trip wasn't about going someplace new but doing something new.

Pastor Earl was his usual warm, welcoming self, but this time I felt we had a rapport more like a long-time friend who I hadn't seen in a while.  We were able to talk several times about our partnership and  our lives.

I was looking forward to getting to know our team of elders and their disciples as well. I wasn't disappointed.  As on every trip you get to know certain individuals better than others and while I was able to spend time with everyone, one person in particular stands out for me and that was Marty.

We shared the same room with Steve C and Lynn.  Each evening after dinner and our debrief meeting we seemed to both ready to head back to our room for some R&R.  It was during these times that we were able to talk about our families, work and life experiences.  I feel that this time has helped us gain a window into each others heart and soul.

But leading my group in the conference was why I was here first and foremost.  It was the epicenter of the trip for me as I expect it was for all of us.  It was here that I was tried and tested as I placed myself into God's loving hands to use me in the lives of the six men that He entrusted to me.

In the past i've always had some level of "performance anxiety".  How will I do?  Can I do what is demanded of me?  Will I disappoint my team or somehow not measure up?  For this trip, I can honestly and surprisingly say that I didn't have one moment of this feeling.  I felt I was I leaning into my wonderful Fathers arms and I sensed Him whispering to me, "just let me work through you, my son."

I don't want to imply it was easy, it wasn't at all.  You see I uniquely led a group by myself almost the whole time.  This I see now wasn't an accident, it was His plan from all along for the men in my group and for me as well.

My group seemed slow if I compared it to other groups that seemed to be making great strides in understanding and proficiency.  But I wasn't comparing, it wasn't contest.  My group seemed to grasp things slowly, some things they never grasped, but that was ok. We were learning at the pace and level that was right for us.

And I do include myself in the "slow learning".  For those of you that know me I like several others in our team am an introvert at heart.  I always have struggled in groups.  It drains me to be in a highly relational group environment.  And, not only was this a highly relational group environment but one in which I'm to lead and teach through the highly interactive Socratic question-answer process.  Needless to say this was quite a challenge for me.  And when, on day two I ran out of gas one hour before the end of the day, my brother Marty showed up and helped with a Bible storying time that helped us end well.

But as I depended on God He helped me beyond myself to forge relationships with the men in my group beyond culture, language, education, experience and spiritual background.  He gave me countless probing questions when I had run out of things to ask.  He opened windows of understanding when it seemed that all I would get was blank stares. He was there the whole time working His perfect will in each of our hearts.

And, on the last day, when you'd think there would be nothing left to share or give He gave us the best time of all.

We ended the last session by going one-by-one through our group as the leader sharing words of encouragement and blessing and to pray for each one of them.  I asked God to speak into their lives through me, not my words or thoughts but His.  And as I spoke His words came to mind and to my lips.  Words beyond my understanding to give.

And then something so precious and amazing happened.  They asked to pray for me. So I got on my knees in the middle of this tiny band of brothers and they prayed and prayed.  I felt like I was kneeling at the feet of Jesus.

So, now I'm heading home to my dear wife Cindy.  To my own church and community of faith. To my own neighborhood and circle of influence.  Not to bask in the glow of this amazing experience but, by God's grace and loving kindness to continue the work that He wants us all to do - love people into His Kingdom.

I can't do this, I know, but He has showed me so clearly that in my weakness He can and will through me.